Walls

It was almost noon before Thom could get the family out of the house and on their way. Annie had convinced the very reluctant Molly that she wouldn’t have to baby-sit for the next two week-ends if she went and at least tried to enjoy herself. Molly positioned herself in the very back, head phones on, and proceeded to ignore her brother and sister. Austin sat in the middle seat on the right side, admiring his reflection in the window. Meanwhile, Claire, the youngest, sat on the other side of Austin and waited for her dad to put in The Little Mermaid DVD. Thom started their black Explorer and as he did he leaned over to whisper in his wife’s ear. “This is going to be a good day.” He squeezed her hand. “I promise, this will be fun,” he said as he shifted the vehicle into reverse and backed out of the drive.
“I’m holding you to that, dear,” Annie said quietly.
No one spoke while Thom drove. It wasn’t a rule. It just seemed to happen. Molly barely talks to the family anyway, so why would the car be any different. Austin stayed busy pretending he wasn’t watching The Little Mermaid, while trying to beat his high score on Ultimate Spider-Man on his Game Boy. Claire, of course, was engrossed in all things Ariel and she swung her feet and clapped her hands along with every song under the sea. Annie was always the first to break the silence. Mostly she was content to watch the children in the rearview mirror and to glance at her husband and try to figure out what he was thinking. Though after awhile she got bored. She had tried crossword puzzles, but she always got a migraine trying to look at words in the car. Then she tried to bring her knitting, but the ball of yarn always fell out of the seat and then it would roll all around getting tangled into a giant mess that would take her hours to unravel. Thus, Annie usually tried to just watch. She would watch and think, but when she thought she would inevitably break down and begin talking.
Today, Thom barely made it down the road before Annie began talking. “Hey, Thom, what do you think about painting Molly’s room?”
“Well, does she want her room painted?” Thom asked.
“Yes. At least I think she does. I heard her talking to Sarah about being tired of the walls. I assume she meant her room,” Annie said as she looked at her daughter in the rear view mirror. All she could see was the top of Molly’s ponytail as she slouched down in the seat and fumbled with her mp3 player.
“Maybe we should talk to her about it, but it’s fine with me,” Thom said as he smiled at Annie. Thom made a right at the light and turned onto 50 Highway. “Okay guys, we should be there in about half an hour,” Thom glanced up at the rearview mirror and looked at Claire and Austin in the seat behind him.
“Daddy, I want to go on the Carousel and the Ferris Wheel and I want to get an ice cream cone and I want to see the ponies. Are there going to be ponies, daddy?” Claire said as she bounced in her seat.
“We’ll see, baby, we’ll see. Just calm down and watch the rest of your movie,” Thom tried hard not to laugh Claire’s endless enthusiasm. “What about you, buddy? What do you want to do?” Thom eyed his son in the mirror.
“I dunno,” Austin said and went back to his game.
Molly waited for Thom to ask her. She had seen him look back in the mirror and had turned the volume off on her music. She struggled to fight back the smile as her kid sister giggled with excitement over the thought of ponies and ice cream; she didn’t want them to know she was listening. Still she waited to be asked. Instead, Thom continued on down the highway past the shopping mall and into farm land. Thom never asked her anything unless the answer would get her grounded.
The fair grounds were a straight shot from their house. It was a quick drive down fifty all the way, about forty-five miles. Thom and Annie kept up their conversation past the trees and past the cemetery where Luke had been buried. They didn’t notice the tears that had begun to form in Molly’s bright blue eyes. She turned around in the seat staring at the place where her best friend/first love eternally rested. “Mom, can we stop on the way back and uhh...visit Luke? Maybe put flowers there or something?” Molly asked while choking back tears.
“Sur...”
“No, there won’t be time. It will be getting late, and your brother and sister have camp tomorrow. Another time, Mol,” Thom said as he cut Annie off.
“You always say another time. It’s not fair. I’m the one that lost my...,” Molly stopped. She didn’t want Thom to see her cry. She knew he never approved of Luke and he was probably glad that he wasn’t around anymore, but Luke was only sixteen, and no one should die at sixteen. Molly tried to avoid the tears that she knew she couldn’t control, but it was pointless. She hugged her knees up close to her chest and tried to muffle the sound the best she could as her whole body shook and her face grew red and sticky from the salted tears.
Annie just stared at Thom. She didn’t know what to say to her crying girl. Instead she spoke to Claire, “Hey, baby girl, we’re almost there. Are you still excited?”
“Yes, but...” Claire paused as she turned to look at Molly. “What’s wrong with Sissy?”
“Oh, she’s just a little sad, she’ll be alright,” Annie said as she smiled back at Claire. “Look, kids you can see the Ferris Wheel from here.” Annie pointed to the left of the highway just as Thom made his way onto the exit ramp. “Just a couple more minutes.” Annie watched Austin and Claire squirm in their seats. “Maybe this will be good for Molly,” Annie said quietly as she looked back at her daughter’s tear streaked face. “Maybe.”
* * *
They arrived at the fair grounds a little before one that afternoon. Thom parked the Explorer and Annie began to gather all of the kid’s belongings together and establish the ground rules. “Everyone stay together. If you get lost go to one of the workers and tell them you are lost. Don’t talk to strangers. Claire, hold someone’s hand at all times. Molly, at least try to smile. Austin, do not run off. Stay close. We will ride everything and see everything, but we will all take turns. Okay, does everyone understand?”
“Yes, Mommy,” Claire and Austin sang in unison.
“Molly, how ‘bout you?”
“Yeah, I heard ya, I get it.” Molly said as she wiped her eyes and began digging in her purse for her makeup.
“All right then, let’s go,” Thom said as he helped Claire out of her car seat and took her by the hand. The rest of the Richardson Family followed and they all began walking towards the gate of the Greene County Fair. As they walked in under the large red, white, and blue banner that was strung between two lamp posts, Molly wished that she were anywhere but there.
The fair grounds were littered with people and oversized tents. Claire’s green eyes lit up at the site of a clown holding cones filled with pink cotton candy. She was both frightened by the clown and tempted by the pink cloud. She gripped her father’s hand tightly. The sounds of people laughing and talking were all blended with the music of marching bands and carousels. They breathed in the greasy mix of funnel cake and corn dogs. They walked a bit around the old dirt fair way debating about where to go first.
“I want to see the pony,” said Claire.
“No, I want to ride something,” Austin countered.
“I want to disappear,” Molly mumbled under her breath.
“What was that, Molly?” Annie said.
“Nothing, Mother, nothing at all.”
“Okay, then how ‘bout we ride the Ferris Wheel first,” Thom said knowing how much Claire had wanted to ride one. His suggestion was met with agreement, so they began walking. On the way to the Ferris Wheel they all pointed out things they wanted to see and do. Annie saw a tent full of hand made quilts that she wanted to see, and Austin saw a magician that he was convinced could make him invisible. Thom wanted to check out some of the music and performers, and Claire was so excited that she saw a pony, and she couldn’t wait to take a ride. No one asked Molly what she wanted to see, and that was fine, because she didn’t want to see any of it. She just wanted to escape.
When they reached the Ferris Wheel, the line was short. “Your mom and I will ride in one, and then you three kids can ride together,” Thom said.
“I want to ride by myself,” Molly tried to argue, but she knew she wouldn’t win.
“No, you need to ride with your brother and sister. It won’t kill you,” Thom said trying to sound like he was joking.
“Fine.”
Then Thom and Annie climbed into the first blue car. The children waited for the sparkled red one. As they were buckled in, Molly began thinking about last year when she rode the Ferris Wheel. It was with Luke. It was their second date and their first kiss. They had been stopped at the top of the ride, and lights of the fairgrounds were bright all around them. They could see across the whole fairway from the very top. They could see all of the red and blue tents with their flags and balloons waving in the breeze. She could see the fireworks going off in the distance. Their kiss had been sweet and perfect atop the Ferris Wheel. It was six months later that he was killed. He had just dropped her off at her house, and he was driving home when a truck ran a red light. She missed him. Now, she was stuck at the top of the Ferris Wheel, lights flashing, with her little brother and four year-old sister and all she wanted was to be anywhere but there. She closed her eyes tightly and leaned her head back against the hard metal seat. She thought about Luke. She thought about her family. She thought about Luke again, and then she thought about how great it would be to just disappear...
* * *
“Austin, where’s Molly?” Annie’s eyes were wide as she looked at the empty space between her two youngest children, the space that should have been filled by Molly.
“I dunno. She just disappeared,” Austin said as he looked at Claire who was beginning to cry.
“Claire, sweetie, didn’t Sissy get on the ride with you?”
“Yes,” Claire whimpered.
“But...” Annie looked at Thom.



*** From the middle of a fiction piece that I am working on.

Autumn Swing

The November air was making her pull her sweater tight, and hide her hands in her sleeves to escape the chill that was running up her spine. The sky was completely black save for the few stars that was peaking out from behind the clouds. There was that breeze again, shivering; autumn had finally set in. The trees were nearly bare now; the orange and red leaves were blanketing the ground signaling the change in the weather, and a change in her life. Closing her eyes, sitting down and swinging back and forth, back and forth on the old porch swing. Swinging, she listens. It is quiet, but she was listening to the sounds of fall. Her little sister is inside reading a story to dolls, to dark and cold to be outside playing. The grey and brown squirrels crushing and crunching the leaves as they scurry across the leaves and up the tree looking for nuts trying to prepare for the looming winter. The world is slowing down; she listened. The metal chain dangling hits the frame making a steady rhythm. Dragging her foot on the ground causing the fragile leaves to crunch and crackle under her tennis shoe, kicking them in the air on the down swing and she watches them swirl in a flurry of golden colors to the ground. Tapping fingers to the beat of the chain on the weathered wooden arm of the swing. It all becomes a song and dance, swing, clang, tap, crunch, and kick, swing, clang, tap, crunch, and kick. She stops swinging and looks around, taking a deep breath, smelling her neighbor's fireplace – the smell of autumn signaling winter. Almost tasting the first snowflakes, it won't be long now. Swinging some more, back and forth, back and forth, swing, clang, tap, crunch, and kick, just trying to waste time.

Finally, facing the inevitable standing up, and walking across the yard leaves crunching beneath her old grey tennis shoes. Walking methodically across the street, heart pounding in her chest. Carefully brushing wild hair behind her left ear, walking across his yard. Carefully tugging at her thin grey sweater, assuring herself that she looks just right.

She sighs, here goes nothing, and she knocks on the door. "We need to talk," she blurts out as soon as she sees him through the now opened door. Urgently pulling him onto the front porch, and walking to the old wooden bench, she flinches when she hears the screen door slam shut. She pulls him down next to her on the bench. Again she starts, "we need to talk..."

Looking up at his broken green eyes, and having no reason to say anything more. Leaning over and hugging him tighter than ever before then kissing him goodbye. Leaving the familiar taste of peppermint lip-gloss on his lips, and walking away - defeated. Walking back across the street. The sound of the leaves crunching beneath her old tennis shoes now seemed to echo down the whole street. Sitting back down on the swing, and looking over at his house. He was still sitting there on that bench looking at the ground. Not swinging this time, pulling knees to chest and wrapping her sweater tight, a sweater that now smelled of his cologne, she cried. Her body shook, salted tears running endless from her eyes she was a mess. She hurt. The air felt like shards of glass with every measured breath. Every muscle tense-it was impossible to relax. Her head ached from crying, from thinking if she made the right decision, from remembering every detail of the past three years. Crying until there were no more tears, until there was just silence. Begining to rock back and forth on the swing, letting the lullaby of the chain soothe her. Then she heard it, the leaves began to crunch, and the swing began to move, and then there was an arm around her shoulder...


***From the middle of a short fiction piece that I am currently seeking to publish.